Collapses on Entering

Rather than wallow in our usual puddle of pain and misery, lassitude and ennui... rather than indulge in our daily orgy of self-castigation (yes, mistakes were made!)... we here at Wrist World are going to sashay on over to a completely different emotional realm today, the Pit of Rage, where Dell awaits.

Yes, the new computer has arrived. The computer which supposedly is built specifically for the purchaser, the end-user who decides exactly what he or she wants in and on the computer which is being specifically configured according to his or her wishes, who orders accordingly and then sits with bated breath to wait for his or her wishes to come true, who waits for an amazingly short period of time considering that the computer is actually being constructed in Malaysia and not within the confines of the actual USA as he or she might have mistakenly thought.

Before even opening the box, our end-user pulls the packing slip. It is barely unfolded when our end-user espies the most heinous of all possible line-entries, the dreaded and extremely unordered Item No. 412-0933, AOL for Broadband.

So clearly does our end-user remember her online computer-configuration process. So clearly does she remember the very moment when she came upon this screen:

SELECT MY DIAL-UP INTERNET ACCESS

So you don’t have broadband. Big deal. You can get six months of AOL or EarthLink dialup access FREE with your new Dell PC.

• 6 Months America Online Internet Access Included add $0
• 6 Months EarthLink Internet Access Included [Included in Price]

So clearly does she remember thinking she was being forced to choose between two entirely unwanted, unneeded options. So clearly does she remember the two radio buttons: the AOL button selected by default, the EarthLink button the only way to unselect the AOL button. So very clearly does she remember the moment of selecting EarthLink to prevent the installation of anything AOL on her new unsullied computer.

You see, our end-user has been held hostage by the evil demon AOL before. She clearly remembers the utter impossibility of removing all its tentacles from her beloved Compaq laptop. She clearly remembers AOL's repeated refusal to cancel her service.

She clearly remembers the weeks after the service was finally stopped, months after the end of her contract. The AOL nag-bot phoned her own answer-bot daily, but did not leave messages. The nag-bot would not identify itself on her Caller ID box, but she Googled the number and found it identified as belonging to AOL in the documentation of a lawsuit. She was not surprised.

So, having discovered the installation of the evil demon AOL on our new (but thusly sullied) laptop despite our very deliberate attempt to ward off just such a fate, off we go to the Pit of Rage. Bring your action figures, throw them into the plastic jousting arena, and stand clear. No one gets out alive but the sewer-cleaning guy.